I’ve been back in Dubai for a few weeks now and if being back in the land of rain and decent fish n chip shops taught me one thing it was that I need to start enjoying the bits of Dubai that we all seem to take for granted after a while. The more jaded expat may read this and scratch their head but come on… This place has some great things going for it.

As usual I am going through my semi-annual diet and exercise regime. I’m trying to avoid talking about it on the radio too much, simply because after five years, I’m failing more than I’m succeeding. This time there are no sponsors involved, no big promotion for local gymnasiums or boot-camps. It’s just me, keeping the carbs low, eat lots of fruit and veg and swimming every day in the beautiful sunshine.

Again, most people will think I’m crazy. It’s blisteringly hot and will be for the next couple of months. That’s what makes it so ideal. I tootle along to the pool every day after the show and find the chilled water perfectly calm. No families with splashing, noisy nippers swinging around lengths of compressed sponge (They’re called noodles, apparently). No wannabe Olympians cutting through the water like eels. No guests of the neighbours topping up their tans and lounging in my lane on gigantic inflatables.

Basically I am free to do my daily fifty lengths without any observation or distraction. This is a good thing because even though I’ve never seen myself swimming, I imagine I resemble a 100kg tuna, trapped in a net, drowning and thrashing for all it’s worth to break free. It’s probably not a pretty sight.

For comfort’s sake, I switched from a long-short to a short-short earlier this week. Don’t worry. It’s going to be a few months and at least a 30kg drop before Speedos are even considered. The downside is my legs are now tanning at different shades. We covered this on air Monday morning but, figuring it was difficult to visualise, below is an info-graph of the shades of which I speak…

Are you a fellow sufferer? Is this just me or is it something that’s been going around (like that 24hr bug that afflicts half the 92 team every week)? Let me know.