As you may or may not know, Catboy wrote all the best Christmas songs ever. They were then ripped-off over the last few hundred years by chancers, all apart from Cliff Richard, who’s Christmas songs are an embarrassment and Catboy wouldn’t even pretend he wrote them.
Like American rapper, Jay-Zed, Catboy has a second job as a super-producer (and is credited with creating the “fence if sound”, before Phil Spektor did his “wall”). Today, whilst trying to blag a free room or brunch at The Intercontinental (Dubai Festival City), Catboy was alerted to the beautiful sound of a choir. He instantly drugged them, bundled them into a van and brought them to Dubai 92 Towers, where he forced them at gunpoint to sing some songs.
It is Christmas, after all.
Here are Catboy & Geordiebird’s Christmas Jingles and the new breakfast show carol, “The Twelve Dubai Christmases“, with singalong lyrics. We hope you like them.
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Catboy and Geordiebird
Dubai 92
Every morning, six till ten
Turning the air blue
Catboy and Geordiebird
Better than the rest
She’s dead skinny, he’s got moobs
Like jelly in his vest
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We wish Catboy could be thinner
But he can’t stop eating dinner
A real greasy pizza sinner
Dubai 92
Wish wish Geordiebird was smarter
But she’s just a gassy farter
To dimness, she is a martyr
Dubai 92
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Do you listen in the morning
Du du du du du-bai 92
Wakes you up when you are yawning
Du du du du du-bai 92
Brought together by cupid
Du du du du du-bai 92
He is fat and she is stupid
Du du du du du-bai 92
Du du du du du-bai 92
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On radio, they’re good, y’know
They talk between the music
They’re working class and very brash
The accent, they can’t lose it
He sounds like the Full Monty man
She should live in a caravan
It’s Catboy and it’s Geordiebird
They talk between the music
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Good job they’re on every day
Or school runs would be boring
Mum would prob’ly crash the car
And Dad would still be snoring
Turn them on on 92
Especially really early
Geordiebird drinks like a man
And Catboy’s really girly
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The Twelve Dubai Christmases
On my first Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
A one hour late taxi
On my second Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my third Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my fourth Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my fifth Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Five star everything
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my sixth Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Six rent increases
Five star everything
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my seventh Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven maids per infant
Six rent increases
Five star everything
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my eighth Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight Lazy Landlords
Seven maids per infant
Six rent increases
Five star everything
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my ninth Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine new diversions
Eight Lazy Landlords
Seven maids per infant
Six rent increases
Five star everything
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my tenth Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten loan defaulters
Nine new diversions
Eight Lazy Landlords
Seven maids per infant
Six rent increases
Five star everything
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my Eleventh Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven abandoned Prados
Ten loan defaulters
Nine new diversions
Eight Lazy Landlords
Seven maids per infant
Six rent increases
Five star everything
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
On my Twelfth Dubai Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve hour workdays
Eleven abandoned Prados
Ten loan defaulters
Nine new diversions
Eight Lazy Landlords
Seven maids per infant
Six rent increases
Five star everything
Four days of rain
Three terminals
Too many malls
And a one hour late taxi
[...] Presents that Men Really Want. We even managed to round up a choir (of sorts) to record some Dubai Christmas Carols… And if that wasn’t enough, we gave away The Top Fifteen Toys of 2009 and gave the kids [...]